the Corporation

(1)

is moping around

(2)

Wall Street

(3)

sees the Corporation and sits down next to him

Wall Street (to Corporation):  Christ.  You look like shit.

Corporation:  Great bedside manner.

Wall Street:  What’s with the long face?

Corporation:  My personhood is being attacked again.

Wall Street:  Those damned lefties just can’t leave us alone.  Who is it this time?

Corporation:  Montana.  They say I’m not a person and that my money doesn’t belong in politics.

click here to read about Montana’s action against Citizens United

Wall Street:  Yeah, that’s pretty rough.  I can see why you’re depressed.

Corporation:  The Politician wants me to go to that internet shrink, that Dr. Phantom.

(4)

Dr. Phantom

Wall Street:  I’ve been to that guy.  Didn’t think much of him.  (beat) But I’ve kinda been thinking about going back to him.

Corporation :  Yeah?  What’s going on with you?

Wall Street:  My manhood is being attacked.

Corporation:  Jeez.  Who’s doing that?

Wall Street :  The women.

click here to read – escort says Wall Street men are bad in bed

Corporation:  Oh, man, that’s cold!

Wall Street:  Personhood, manhood – we’re being attacked.  It’s ridiculous.  I think it’s the Occupier’s fault.

(5)

Corporation:  Yeah, you’re right.  There’s been more and more problems ever since he started yapping in the streets.

Wall Street and the Corporation ponder their plight

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the Corporation …

(1)

…is gabbing with the Politician

(2)

Corporation:  I saw that the President …

(3)

Corporation (cont.): … was on the Jimmy Fallon show, slow jamming the news.

click to view

 

Corporation:  Don’t you think it makes him look … well, too popular?

Politician:  Nah.  Nobody watches that show.  Besides, American Crossroads, that Karl Rove-linked organization is running an attack ad on the President, accusing him of being too much a celebrity.

click to play American Crossroads ad

 

 

Corporation:  Hmmm.  Well, I guess the ad will make the President look stupid to our base, they buy anything we say, but…

Politician:  But what?

Corporation:  How’s it going to play with the independent voter?

(4)

Politician:  The independent voter is discerning, they’ll get the message and come over to our side.

Corporation:  Yeah, but the ad makes the President look kinda cool, maybe it will backfire.

Politician:  You worry too much.

Corporation:  I have been worried.  I’m kinda depressed.

Politician:  Maybe you need a shrink.   I heard that Wall Street…

(5)

Politician (cont.):  … went to see that Internet Psychiatrist guy, that Dr. Phantom.

(6)

Corporation (whines) :  I don’t want some shrink poking around my brains…

Politician:  Quit your blubbering and go!

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Miz Crumb is currently missing in action

back soon!

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CC Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic – by Somaya Langley on Flickr

 

the Banker

(1)

is angry!

(2)

he’s venting to the Politician

(3)

Banker:  Those goddamn shareholders wanna take me to court!

(4)

Politician:  Why?

Banker:  Ah, they don’t like the size of my pay package.

(5)


click here to read about Citigroup being sued by shareholder

Politician:  Well, the shareholders do have the right to vote on your pay package now.

Banker (furious) :  Yeah, thanks to the Dodd-Frank law – that’s your fault!

Politician:  Jeez.  Who knew that Dodd-Frank law would actually have any teeth?

(6)

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Wall Street

(1)

hears that the Citizens of Crumbsville are making appointments with

Dr. Phantom

(2)

who has a Ph.D in Internet Psychiatry

Wall Street decides to see for himself  who Dr. Phantom is, and how he is advising Crumbsville’s Citizens

and so, it came to pass that

Wall Street finds himself in Dr. Phantom’s office, on the psychiatrist’s couch

(3)

Dr. Phantom (to Wall Street) :  What is troubling you?

Wall Street:  People are on my ass about high speed trading, accusing me of rigging the game!   And everybody keeps blaming me for the economic crisis!

Dr. Phantom:  You feel that’s unfair?

Wall Street:  Well, yeah!   It’s not my job to make sure the economy is okay.

Dr. Phantom:  What is your job?

Wall Street:  My job is to make money, and sometimes the best time to do that is when the economy is trashed.

Dr. Phantom:  How so?

Wall Street:  Look, here’s how I feel about it…

 

Dr. Phantom:  I see.

Wall Street:  You look like you are judging me, just like all the rest of Crumbsville!

Dr. Phantom:  We often don’t view ourselves as others do.  Do you understand that you sound like a predatory capitalist?

(4)

Wall Street:  And what’s wrong with that?

(5)

Dr. Phantom does not know how to reply

Wall Street:  (thinking)  This guy is no threat to me.  (then, to Dr. Phantom) Speechless?  Well,  looks like I’m done here.

Wall Street gets up and leaves

Dr. Phantom is left pondering

he gets up, goes to his library and pulls out a research book

(6)

Dr. Phantom finds what he is looking for

Dr. Phantom (thinking to himself) :  Of course.  Psychopaths and traders share the same characteristics.  (shakes his head)  All in all, not the best thing for the economy in Crumbsville.

click here to read about psychopaths and traders

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the Reporter

(1)

relents and goes to see Dr. Phantom

(2)

the Reporter lies back on the psychiatrist’s couch

(3)

Dr. Phantom:  What’s troubling you today?

Reporter:  The way Wall Street is being taken over by high speed traders!

Dr. Phantom:  What’s upsetting about that?

Reporter:  Wall Street is barely human as it is – now, the trend is for a guy at a computer…

(4)

Reporter (cont.) : … to set up algorithms and beat the market with sheer speed!

read about high speed traders and their effect on Wall Street here

Dr. Phantom:  And that bothers you?

Reporter:  It turns Wall Street into a high speed casino!

(5)

Reporter (cont.) :  Wall Street is at the heart of the collapse of our economy and Wall Street has not yet been held accountable!

Dr. Phantom:  You know, the Occupier ….

(6)

Dr. Phantom (cont.): … is trying to address that concern.

Reporter:  Why are you bringing him up?

Dr. Phantom:  Why do you think?

Reporter:  Are you trying to get me to talk about my love life?

Dr. Phantom:  What do you think?

Reporter:  I think you are passively aggressively prying into my personal life!

Dr. Phantom:  Does that bother you?

Reporter:  Hell, yeah!

Dr. Phantom:  Does the Occupier bother you?

Reporter:  Well, yes, he does!

Dr. Phantom:  Why is that?

Reporter:  Well, he thinks he can worm his way into my life!

Dr. Phantom:  Is that bad?

Reporter:  Look, he’s a visionary and a revolutionary and all that, but at the bottom of it all…

Dr. Phantom:  Yes?

Reporter:  He’s a nebbish!

(7)

Dr. Phantom:  You think he’s a fool?

Reporter (irritated) :  I’ve  had enough of this.  This is not addressing my concerns about high speed trading on Wall Street!

the Reporter gets up and leaves, disregarding the sign on the door

(8)

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the Reporter

(1)

decides to call Dr. Phantom to discuss her anger issues over the state of things in Crumbsville

(2)

ring ring ring

Dr. Phantom

(3)

picks up the phone

Dr. Phantom:  Yes, Dr. Phantom here, ready to turn your depression and anger into laughter.

Reporter (snorts) :  You’re joking.

Dr. Phantom:  Don’t believe it can be done?

Reporter:  Things are too dark and serious in Crumbsville to laugh!

Dr. Phantom:  What’s troubling you the most?

Reporter:  Everything.  Journalists are being muzzled and thrown into jail!

Dr. Phantom:  Anything else?

Reporter:  All the bickering over the War on Women is unbearable!  Republicans want to take us back into the dark ages!

Dr. Phantom:  You don’t think you can find some political humor in the bickering?

Reporter:  It just makes me angry!

Dr. Phantom:  Try watching Steven Colbert’s take on the War on Women here (click to play).

 

Reporter:  Okay, that was funny.

Dr. Phantom:  When would you like to come in and see me?

Reporter:  I’m still not sure I need to…

Dr. Phantom:  We could discuss your love life.

Reporter(irritated):  There’s nothing wrong with my love life!

Dr. Phantom:  Oh?

(4)

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the Reporter

(1)

is smiling

(2)

because the Trayvon Martin case will now be tried in a court of law, rather than in the media

but there are other things that worry the Reporter

(3)

she calls the Occupier

(4)

Reporter (to Occupier):  Did you hear about Laura Poitras, the journalist/filmmaker who keeps getting detained and interrogated at Crumbsville’s border?

Occupier:  No, what’s happening?

Reporter :  You can  read about it here

Occupier:  Jeez.  That’s chilling.  Fourth Amendment rights are being trampled.

(5)

Reporter:  It’s depressing.  I’m a journalist, too – and I’ve already been thrown in the clink during the Occupy evictions.

Occupier:  You should see my shrink.

Reporter:  Your shrink?  Why are you seeing a shrink?

Occupier:  Nothing wrong with a little support in these troubling times … a little self-examination doesn’t hurt either.

Reporter:  What’s his name?

Occupier:  Dr. Phantom (beat) He helps folks who have a hard time with bad news in Crumbsville.

Reporter (dubious) :  I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.

(6)

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the Reporter

(1)

gets off the phone with the Occupier…

she hears the Attorney…

(2)

…speaking and rushes over to hear the press conference

Attorney:  George Zimmerman has been arrested!

(3)

read about George Zimmerman’s arrest here

the Reporter welcomes the news

Reporter (thinking) :  Perhaps justice will now be served!

(4)

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ring ring ring

(1)

the Occupier’s cell phone rings while the Occupier …

(2)

… is talking to Dr. Phantom

(3)

Occupier (into cell phone) :  Yeah.

it’s the Reporter!

(4)

the Occupier’s heart beats more quickly!

(5)

Reporter:  Did you hear what’s happening with George Zimmerman?

Occupier:  No, what’s going on?

Reporter:  His attorneys are quitting the case!  They have never even met Zimmerman, and now they don’t even know where he is!

Occupier:  What?!

Reporter:  He’s disappeared!

read about Zimmerman’s disappearance here

Occupier:  Jeez.  I guess that tarnishes his innocent image, doesn’t it?

Angel BDSM

(6)

Reporter:  Ya think?

Occupier:  Say, wanna join me for a drink?  I’m at a bar with a friend.

Reporter:  Anybody I know?

Occupier:  Don’t think so.  He’s my shrink.

Reporter (silence for a beat, then…) :  Nah, gotta go.  But thanks.

the Reporter hangs up

Dr. Phantom (to Occupier) :  A romantic interest?

Occupier:  Only in my dreams.

Dr. Phantom (narrows his eyes) :  Perhaps I can help.

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